Art Show

Dear J-

This Sunday theVet’s dad is having some sort of exhibit up in the Los Angeles area: clearly details are vague at the moment but it’s either in the Whitney or Whittier, and given that the Whitney is in New York City I sort of doubt that it’s there. We missed the first big exhibition and despite the unlikely-to-be-kid-friendly atmosphere and timing (Sunday, 5PM) I told her that we should probably go as I’ve noticed the relationship between daughter and mother notably fracture over the past four or five years. Low expectations on both sides become a self-fulfilling prophecy and neither one seems to be willing to make an effort to reach across the gap.

One of the things I didn’t realize about theVet when we got married was that she wasn’t really planning on having any kids, a decision borne out of fear she’d turn out just like her parents did. It may be too early to tell but she’s already gotten past the first milestone in my mind, not completely losing it with two kids in the house. There are times like last night when it becomes completely overwhelming but with support from others we’re getting through the relative madness that is the after-dinner scramble in San Diego: bath, brush teeth, storeis, songs, and more stories before figgy will go to bed, and wrestling Calcifer into long pajamas for the cool nights ahead.

I wonder what life must have been like for theVet’s parents in 1976: two kids, recent immigrants in Memphis both working full-time with no network to lean on, probably no infant care to speak of and so they make the wrenching decision to send their younger daughter to Korea for two years. I think about how much figgy has changed between eighteen months and four yearsr and wonder that they’d willingly give that up with theVet, and I wonder if that’s not a contributing cause to her distance to her parents. How difficult was that decision? Could we give up Calcifer in seven months and not see him until he was a little boy stranger in our midst? What circumstances led them to that?



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