Posts Tagged ‘better’

Back Up

22 February 2011

Dear J-

The TiVo is off doing its thing so that I can free myself from sitting in front of the video panel for now (okay, now I’m sitting in front of a different video panel that works fundamentally the same, what’s your point). It’s nice. I get to feel human again and in return spend time at home reflecting on what’s important. I think it’s one of those illnesses best treated by time off, not getting out of pajamas, and a pocket full of cough drops.

It feels like the weekend just started. I know, I made a long weekend even longer but if you saw me the last couple of nights, staggering around like the febrile infirm that I’d become. I was just starting to have some fun today, after all; it’s been nearly two weeks since I had to do real work and not training or the pleasant work of weekends spent chasing kids.

In what sense do we finally give up our selves? I’m reading about the distinctive retail names I remember as a kid — The Bon Marché, The Crescent — fiercely regional to an extreme and never realizing that they were part of a larger, nationwide conglomerate who finally realized that the economy of a fleet operation outweighed the distinct shopping pleasure of going to a store suited for your neighborhood and region. The Crescent in particular — I remember time spent searching for a parking space, then walking around the whole-block building to peek in the window displays that changed monthly and finally heading inside to see the wares. To know that the grand old building we used to run around in after work at the store was done is now carved up into retail spaces in the name of profit, not service, I dunno; I can’t see progress I guess.



Friday Warp

20 March 2009

Dear J-

There’s a lot to get worked up over these days — between AIG, unemployment, folks jumping out of cars for cash, city malfeasance, and folks who couldn’t wait to say I-told-you-so (about Obama, about the war, about everything) — I need some perspective on work:  it’s work, it’s not personal.  I crab and moan but if the alternative is being trivialized at work — if no one wanted to ask me questions — would I feel any better?  I just feel more and more that I take on too many projects — it becomes a questionable sort of prioritization when I can’t find stuff I was working on yesterday, when drawings dredged up from two years ago come out when I (rarely) clean my desk.

It’s difficult to get very passionate about it, except passionately frustrated, lately.  It’s not fair to the work, and it’s not fair to my coworkers, either, who probably suspect that there’s been some sort of personality transplant applied as I walk through the front door.  It’s not an excuse not to be as patient as I know I can be, though; going on this trip is as much an excuse to reclaim some sanity as it is trying out the different aspects of this job.  On the other hand, it has prompted a lot of people to question my job satisfaction lately.