Moving By

Dear J—

I spent some time last night (early this morning) having to work out some issues with the router and I’m not convinced they’re completely fixed, but what are you going to do, right? I’m not completely convinced I ever knew exactly how it worked or if there was some sort of delicate balance I upset when I reset the machine, but now the connection with the external world is spotty and I’m learning it’s true: a slow Internet connection is almost worse than none at all, and one that’s spotty here-and-there is incredibly aggravating. So is the fault between the router and modem or between the modem and node? What is it supposed to be?

I don’t know what I’m doing for the most part, but I do know it’s a fairly long way out. On the other hand the way things are going lately I can’t say with any certainty that everything or anything will last. I want to set it up and not have to worry about it, but even that is too much most of the time, it seems. The aggravation of things not working – let’s say instead, suddenly not working – that’s impossible to deal with and I don’t see why I should have to. Yet if I get this frustrated every time things don’t work then I have a short period being satisfied every day going forward. I’m not sure what I’m saying. It doesn’t make much more sense to me, either.

I tell myself I’m going to be good this time and not so angry, or aggravated, and patience will be my watchword but instead there’s something always being pushed just too far. But how do you know it’s too much? There’s no immediate cutoff that says this is too much, it’s just a decision you make and why it should be any different than the last time you were asked for this-or-that and I can’t say for sure, but it is. It just is.



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