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Dear J—

At some point or another we all burn out or get fed up with it and stop making sense. I’m nearly at that point now, between gathering up references and needing to take a break from all the other things going on at work; where has the time gone, I think, by the end of the day, what did I do and when did I do it? It’s not the easiest thing in the world to think of but there you go instead of driving on into the night like calm children. What sort of story are we telling today, anyway? What are we selling, what did we know and when did we know it?

I suppose this is where I stop to consider that, but instead there’s a thousand other things to be done first; let’s put this together, let’s put that there and by the way, when did we decide that this was right, anyway? This is the way we’ve always done it and so it must be so, but without a better choice of words we run the risk of living under the permanently chilled environment of petty grudges and favoritism; you worry that folks are not going to like you if you keep asking questions as to what to do next but heck, I dunno if I’m doing this right in any manner, anyway. The custom configuration files and various knobs to tweak; who knew that was right or if I’m even feasible with how I’m doing it anyway?

I seriously doubt myself in most instances at the best of times; when I’m learning something new I’m a wreck, worried that I’ll do it wrong or worse yet, that what I did has irretrievably broken something fundamental and it’ll never work quite the same again. This is one of the joys of being me. I should hasten to add, one of the many many joys. Yet at the same time if all I did was the same thing over and over then I doubt I would be happy for long; playing the same mind-numbing levels or exploring the same corners of the world without any doubt that what I’ve done is good enough. Life and everything you do; new is more interesting than precedent and tradition.

Mike

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