Sleep Forward

Dear J-

Let’s start again, with my mouth full of a garlic taste and ready to be flushed clean with … I dunno. I brushed my teeth this morning but that muzzy taste is back, leaching into my mind like some kind of bad dream. I did end up taking the long nap yesterday after dinner, the kind where you wake up only half-refreshed (probably should have just gone to bed) and with just enough to make me uncomfortably awake as I did lie down for the night, not willing to be either asleep or aware enough to be conscious of what I read in the dark.

Yesterday afternoon the gallery car was crowded with bikes; I had to shove my way forward into the vestibule and watched one guy essentially straddle-ride his bike down the stairs — the possibility of damage to tenders made me wince a bit. In the afternoons I take an early enough train to suspect there’s quite a lot of students riding back from school, laptops cracked open or books being pored over while rolling back home. In the mornings, though? The riders are one of three groups: hospital, restaurant and maintenance workers, coming on day shift with a fair amount of preparation to sustain as well.

What would you never do? Because never is a very long time, it’s hard to say that in all we have left going forward there’s never an opportunity for never. These thought exercises of “if you were desperate enough, would you … ?” are impossible to complete on a full belly and in warm shelters; we do what we have to and we get along with it. Life, right? Of all the things we’ve encountered already we have a great capacity for survival, and that more than anything else will dictate how we move forward with these opportunities.



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