Angry Managership

Dear J-

I wonder if I shouldn’t be more … proactive? Ready? Aggressive? There’s a lot of bikes this morning for some reason, so I should try to stack. I’ll be back.

It’s funny how people are with their bikes: if there’s six racks, they’ll take up a rack each until six people are on, then they’ll think about starting to stack. I’m not saying that I’m perfect here, either, because I know, oh, I’m guilty of it too. The gripes that I have are mainly aimed at courtesy (hi, let’s not ride our bikes on the train platform: you can wait) and being an acceptable user of public transit — public as in publicly accessible, so you do have to put up with things. Here’s the real thing: I am an angry person. You can let your shimmering resentments simmer for so long that you don’t remember what it’s like to not have low-lying triggers.

And here’s the other thing: I don’t want to be so angry all the time. Part of that starts with getting more and more adequate sleep. That would help. More help is forthcoming when I think about the various touchstones in my life, what keeps me grounded and what I want, which is … well, if you can’t articulate it, how can you expect to find it? Or ask for it? I like to resentfully remark to people who don’t use turn signals (and here it’s soooo productive to say these things in the privacy of my own car where they can’t hear me) that I can’t read their minds and yet here I am expecting that the nonverbal signals I give off are so clear.

At least there’s a goal and an ill-defined mission. Less angry is where; let’s try to work on the how eventually. Now. Eventually. Articulate, aren’t I? I ran across a flickr group called Hummerbirds yesterday; all the photos are of people flipping off Hummers. That’s the nature of flickr groups; either they’re narrowly defined and tightly focused on one theme or they’re agglutinations of various loosely-connected photos (often put that way by well-intentioned individual contributors who put up something moderately related and then the slippery slope of even more obliquely relevant photos commences). Then there’s the galleries, which people will assemble from photos they find and I can’t tell you how stalkerish I find some of those …



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