Rewired Thinking

Dear J-

We have a good long ways to go yet before I can rest and there’s what seems like a thousand little things to take care of as well between auditing and QA and other minor details of the office but hey, that’s what you signed up for isn’t it? It feels good to have done the analysis and mad respect to doing it from scratch, but that’s really not what the client was asking for so get over yourself: update was wanted and update shall be had, all right? there are parts that can be integrated and molded to finish up and close out what you did, so let’s tackle these things one at a time. If what is wanted is a turd, so be it: a turd shall be delivered, gift-wrapped and well-understood by all.

I admire my office mate, who is blunt and outspoken without conscious regard for people’s feelings all the time, though not without tact and diplomacy (she asks me if what she’s saying is too harsh; I wonder if I’m too accommodating to people, because I always advise her to tone it down or deflect with humor — my main advice here was always to write the email twice: once to say what you really want, and then delete it and write something nicer because the written word can be forever). There’s a certain kind of confidence that lends you: the insistence that you’re always right and this is the right thing to do, which I think is reflected in what I do and how I do it.

Let me explain: if I get the idea that this way is the right way, I’m apt to carry it through and finish the analysis regardless of whether or not it’s what’s needed. I need to do a better job of building on past work and dissecting it for feasibility and reasonability, although I like to think that I’ve got a good handle on things when I do my independent analyses. On the one hand this can be good — hey, fresh approach, new set of eyes, I need to learn — but on the other it feels like I’m reinventing the wheel more often than not and above all else it’s the client that suffers with crazy-bad schedule performance. I dunno if it’s arrogance or stubborn, but that’s how I work and so far I’m not so impressed.



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