Triple Beat

Dear J-

If anger is indeed the watchword then maybe you should find something to do about it. I had the idea once to put a little controller in my pocket as a powerful surrogate: control, control the situation, control your tongue. I never got very far with that, of course. There’s actually quite a lot I should be doing in the evenings but at the moment my ambition has been residing in moving people and cargo around the world of Pocket Planes, which is not precisely the most rewarding thing in the world. And yet if that ambition is thwarted or I should be interrupted well, heaven help the child. The sharp side of your tongue shouldn’t be employed so readily or often.

Perhaps exhaustion is the watchword, then. More sleep and more ambition to work on the various projects I have lying around the house. Can we? We can. What can we? Well, for one I’ve promised myself I should convert some of my controllers to use the much nicer transforming D-pad, which involves some mechanical removal of plastic. I’d feel more productive. Or I could do things around the house, like fixing up light switches and switching out bulbs and washing the windows and, well, now there’s cleaning out the drain hose on the washer. The washer has proven to be an effective hair removal agent but at the same time it’s now starting to clog, so the new ambition is …

Well, perhaps ambition is the watchword, then. I remember a carpool mate asking me what the-next-ten-years ambition would bring, and I replied with a long and detailed plan exclaiming how things would be different from here on out, of going back to school and getting a doctorate: the vague unrealistic hopes that I’d find a teaching career somewhere, me when my patience doesn’t extend past myself. His follow up question was then why I wasn’t so happy with my life as it was; if I couldn’t enumerate five things I was pleased with then some kind of ingratitude underlied the ambition. I’m not sure if it was deep dissatisfaction or just me feeling that I needed to show some stretch ambition or not. Nowadays the goals are more modest and yet seem so far away at times too.



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