Caretaker

Dear J-

It’s been an eventful few days for figgy; last night they had trouble sleeping as Calcifer kept babbling and carrying on (“I want my covers on! I’m thirsty!”) amidst the excitement of having a cousin sleep over again. With that said I’m grateful for the return of the routine today, though it’ll all be replaced with a new routine come Monday when theVet starts back into work. She has run the household almost as a sole proprietorship for the past seven years and now we’re ready to move on. I remember my mom going back to full-time work when I was seven (just a little older than figgy is now!) and I wonder what that might have done to our relationship, though it seems healthy enough today.

At the same time, though, you don’t always go to work just to earn a living, or to do the thing that you think is super-important (reconstructing eddy current records from the 180-day report PDFs the NRC puts up for each steam generator inspection); sometimes you go back to have the companionship of adults, conversations and not always having to take care of dependents. Yet this is the nature of things: dependents are dependent. Adults are mostly mature. As I grow in age I realize that we’re all faking it at times: does that [insert age category that’s just slightly older] group have all the answers? From where I am now, yes. From when I catch up to them, no.

I read a quote from Jack Clark, the Cal men’s rugby coach and inarguably the most successful athletic program on campus, that it’s hard to try to improve yourself. I agree. Your’e not going to be comfortable. You may hate it. You may not understand why when the status quo is easy enough, smooth sailing and a nice routine. But seriously: don’t you want to be better? Isn’t that the true nature of things? No one wakes up in the morning thinking they want to make mistakes and be unkind; no one actively tries to … unimprove? destroy? slip backwards? If you’re not trying to get better then why are you doing that? So let’s find the right foot forward into new phases of our lives together. Change brings excitement and anticipation; let’s live up to that.

Mike

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