Questions and Lies

Dear J-

It’s getting to the point where I can’t count on doing anything productive on Monday, so all the weekend progress is lost. Let’s reiterate that: weekend progress, which implies bringing my laptop home, which is so fretful I can’t even begin to say. So yes. Maybe if I didn’t feel the need to haul it home, would that make Mondays better? Or would a nice week-long vacation do the trick instead? Not even a year of work and I’m looking forward to time off. I suppose it’s not the end of the world, but this could be handled a lot better, I think. There’s plenty to do, that is, plenty of drudge work and things I need to ask questions about, so there’s plenty to do.

I have an overly eager tendency to not: I don’t want to talk to other people, so I end up sitting and doing what I can alone, and I shouldn’t be so surprised when it turns out I’m doing it wrong (you’re not doing it right … again) because I didn’t ask how to do it or what it is they actually wanted. Basic rules of communication, here: who is happy with the work I’ve done? If it’s not even me, then I’m not doing it right. There will be a lot of times when I need to ask for help and the sooner I get used to it — the sooner I’m comfortable asking, the sooner I learn how to do things — the faster I’ll pick it up. Right? Then I can go back to being a hermit. As it is I just look recalcitrant and stubborn and recidivist, at least as far as arrogance goes.

Stay classy. If I’m smart enough to motivate myself (how do you do that, by the way?) then I’m certainly smart enough to ask the right questions without worrying too much about how I look. I remember the sighs and eye-rolls I got for asking questions at Worldcom, but those tasks were quite simple in comparison to what I’m doing now, and I’m pretty sure I asked more questions then than I do now. What’s different? Do I know more now? Indubitably. Do I know what I’m doing? Oh no. No, no, no. You learn something at every job you take on and it’s my time to pick it up rather than continue to do it wrong.



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