Good Fight

Dear J-

It’s been a week since I got cited for riding without a ticket and I wonder what I could have done differently, but it’s in the past now and nothing I can do can change that. If I’d gotten a chance to hop off and tag off maybe, but you can’t change the options you didn’t have. what can I do instead? Let’s think about this: I have work to do. I need more sleep. I’ve been nothing but aggravated with the kids lately and perhaps that’s my fault for not wanting to spend more time with them, but that’s a vicious cycle: the more aggravated I get the more little things will set me off and then I end up having to spend even more time cooling off. It’s not a good precedent, no.

Keep running forward. Time’s arrow points in only one direction, despite what TiVo would have you think. We have a thousand different things to get done in lieu of me sitting there reading my millions of links and other random information. I wonder at times whether I’m doing the right thing but rarely do I have to luxury to know I’m not. The hours I spend are investments in the future or perhaps experiments in psychology: how much can you take before you crack, how many lies are enough? No, that’s too sour. Get over the use of “my” and think about “ours” Live to serve, learn to accept the joy and amusement amidst the chaos, learn to pick your battles and accept what you can’t change.

It doesn’t make sense to worry about everything else. There’s a million things that I can’t control which makes me slightly demented but if that’s the way I get it, that’s the way I got. So much of my prior life and work was conducting rigid control over every small detail that it’s hard not to have that available going forward. The kids are akin to a force of nature, although I suppose that like the storms that pass, either you shelter in place or try to resist, which hasn’t notably been going too well, but it’s my responsibility to not give up when the going is difficult, or annoying, or aggravation is the only fruits we reap. If I abdicate that then there’s no telling what else I’d give up on.



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