Thor’s Day

Dear J-

i can tell I’m sick, but not that sick: the cold has settled into my throat and nose and I feel congested but not achy. Keep moving forward. There’s an audit going on at work and I feel more useless than ever, with little knowledge of what’s going on or where to go or how to help, just taking up space, providing a few reports and eating lunch. Life gets better, I know. Just lately my deal (what’s your deal, man?) has been trying to keep the kids from leaning on my shoulders at night — the sore trapezius can be traced directly to sharp elbows — and in the cold light of early morning I wonder about that decision. After all, what does it hurt (besides the obvious) and for how much longer are they going to want to be in close personal contact?

That’s progress, I suppose: we grow up and we grow apart. You could make a case that theVet and her parents are what we’ll see, given the amount of yelling I end up doing; I’ve said these things before, too, and I don’t seem to have learned anything from it. If you say you’ll do it then just do it. Just do it. All these thoughts of honor and sacrifice mean nothing if you don’t follow through. Alles klär? The audit has meant long hours at work (for what, again, I’m not sure, given that my support of the audit seems limited to talking with the guy every few hours and seeing if he needs anything else) but that doesn’t mean being beastly to the rest of the family is in order.

We find our way back to the same old habits, don’t we? Whether by choice or design, though mostly the laziness and lack of self-discipline, I’m sure. Ugh. So much to be done, lately, and so little time to pull it off; that’s life, I suppose, and welcome to it.



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