Self Berate

Dear J-

Some days it feels like it takes a ton of time just to get started on my way and out the door. I wake up early enough but then I get sidetracked (by what? I need another weather application like I need the proverbial hole in the head, which, come to think of it, might be useful for feeding purposes) and I end up all in a rush out the door and on the way. It’s another morning of light rain and mild temperatures, so we have plenty to be watching for in the dark on the way in. After years of this you end up getting used to it, after all. It’s the law of inertia, after all: classical mechanics can be applied to lives; we are gross enough that quantum effects generally don’t apply.

I feel like a random text generator today: there are sentences and thoughts, but they aren’t necessarily complete or strung together well. Plus there’s the idea that you’re shifting subjects from one sentence to the next, topics at least, and I’m just marking out time until … I dunno. What do you want to accomplish today? Chalk these things up in the grand scheme of things I want to do today: plan out the next day of work in advance so I’m not tempted to just sit there and try to find something to do while pretending to be busy. Not go to bed so late. Finish what you start, or what you’ve committed to do; there’s a lot to be done, to be sure, but there’s also a lot you could knock out quickly if you just put your head down for it.

Keep moving forward, or some semblance of it. I’m so tired in the afternoons, and I’m tired of not getting enough sleep. I could go to bed earlier, but … what? No reason not to. You have more than enough reason to do so. No one likes you being this crabby. No one appreciates the moods, or the snoozes. Some day you’ll understand. I’ll read the book instead. Or … there’s a lot of there there. It’s a great big unknown. I’m pretty sure I haven’t taken a photograph with a “real” camera so far this month; why ruin that streak now? What do you self-identify as? What is your forte? Do you want to make a change for the New Year or not?


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