Hot Stones

Dear J-

Over the weekend theVet mentioned how much she liked guys who made her laugh, which sort of explains how I’ve been so lucky. We’ve come up with a way to cope with Calcifer’s less endearing qualities: namely, we imagine the absurd notion that thirty years later, he’s still acting exactly the same way, only with money and power so that instead of us to do his bidding, he has a poor, overworked personal secretary named Miss Anderson. This is helped by our recent reading of the entire fanfic-derived Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy, which makes me think that the author of that might have modeled the petulant behavior of the lead characters on toddler-based dramas.

To wit: “Miss Anderson! Miss Anderson! I POOPED!”

“Miss Anderson! I want SHOULDER RIDE!”

“Miss Anderson! Come here please!” (and when she arrives … wailing and waving of the hands, indicating he needs his hands washed). “Sir, if you’d just use your words …”

I’m not saying it’ll work for you. It has helped me. We used to have a subscription to one of those parenting magazines, which advised that you should find ways to laugh instead of yelling, because you are going to get frustrated and by laughing instead of yelling you make it better for everyone. I have noticed figgy’s frustrations boiling over lately and you have to understand their behaviors are modeled on ours; their examples are us and what sort of example does it set to fly off the handle at every last thing? We are both, theVet and I, both bad at hanging on to our grudges instead of letting things go upon some perceived slight or inability to comply, and the thing we’re most mad about isn’t what you’ve just done, it’s what you did well before that, only I’ve been too inarticulate to say so.

Not fair, and inexplicable. And you end up yelling all the time. Believe you can change and make it so; after all, a grudge is a hot stone you clutch to yourself in the hopes you can burn someone else with it. In the meantime you suffer.



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