Wonder Back

Dear J-

Lately I’ve been slightly obsessed with the idea of having a few more: a few more monitors, maybe, a few more keyboards. Just a little more. What could it hurt? This is how I end up with what feels like a thousand of whatever: no matter how many solar watches, there’s one with a cooler feature (big date! titanium case! atomic reception!) that sounds quite plausibly needed. I’ve got a million things to do … somewhere. Aargh. We have to clean up our heads and get motivated enough to keep moving forward. Forward in this process, forward in putting enough money down, forward in changing out accounts and switching carriers, forward in all the million little things we’ve already forgotten in the past three months.

It’s nice to be settled, comfortable in all you do. It’s the not-having-to-worry about where to go or what the next step is, I suppose, and when we were first looking at having to relocate and start a new job that was the most daunting task: moving. Then it was getting an apartment, then receiving all our stuff, then unpacking, then schools, then getting comfortable with walking around the neighborhood. Through it all I’ve been amazed how well theVet marshals her forces and keeps us moving onwards, here, we need to do this now. Next task. Done. I remember seeing a plaque on Mrs. McDermott’s desk: when you’re done learning, you’re done! It feels the same way here sometimes: if you’re not moving forwards you’re going in reverse.

Let’s go this weekend and find something fun to do; let’s come home tonight and choose not to ignore the kids. What can we do in the gathering dark? So far in this late fall I have given all my daylight hours to work and commuting, reading by the last light coming through the train’s windows, my time for me. It’s enough, isn’t it? This is what’s needed: find the wonder in everything you’ve done up until now; remember the first time of everything and how that felt and bring it to every next time. Could we go for a ferry ride somewhere? Let’s bring the wonder back and keep the patience with each other.



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