Monday Blue

Dear J-

Monday comes without any particular inspiration, except maybe to note we’ve had a rough go of it this weekend: perhaps not enough time outside doing outdoors things and running off energy. The kids respond to our cues and I think the vibe this weekend was trying to find something easy and quick and low-effort, and it shows, you know? There’s a whole big world to explore out there and if I don’t want to do it then I should be somewhere else. I’m not sure why I’ve been feeling oddly out-of-sorts this week: perhaps I’m feeling the cumulative effects of no sleep and bad writing. Life works this way sometimes: without an outlet I’m not sure why I haven’t spent more time trying to be … better. Patient. Less moody. Better.

I’m beginning to understand why no one is happy watching TV all the time, no matter the material or the how diverting; there’s a canned sameness to the emotions and a limited dynamic range for the expressions and you struggle with how artificially it conflates some arbitrary time slot with some real period of time. Is this what happens next? Is that all? The path of least resistance is to let the kids dictate what they’re going to do because they don’t always know what they want or more importantly, what’s best for them. I give in because I don’t want to put forth the effort but that does no favors for anyone. Least of all me, because what do I end up spending my time on? Yeah.

It’s always more than slightly mad, the time and effort you spend on things that end up not loving you back. Oh, I don’t want to … because it would take too much time to … and before long you end up alone and embarrassingly so, no reason to keep moving forward.



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: