Ownership Owned

Dear J-

There’s a lot less working from home than you might think, partly because there’s a lot more distractions but mostly (okay, yeah, it’s the distractions: I lost nearly an hour in a thrift store yesterday while I was waiting for the fluoride treatment to settle in) a curiously low sense of urgency. if I had started work from home in San Diego I doubt I would have had any appreciable success by now. It’s better to be here — here now, here with the family, here with the kids, here on the way to work, this area, now, California USA Inc. Ltd. LLP. Put that in your hat. I had a dentist’s appointment yesterday which dictated my schedule, but I don’t really like disruption in my routine: any perturbation reverberates.

So now barely a week after we’ve closed escrow on our old house (we’re now former homeowners!) there’s one available, not far from where we are now at a reasonable size and price and all I can think at the moment is that man, shouldn’t we have more of a sense of urgency? There’s a lot to consider: cripplingly high house payments (we may end up assuming MORE debt than the GROSS selling price of our old place), size (one bathroom! hello morning traffic!) and my god, we just moved barely three months ago, do we need to do this again? So soon? Will theVet have a job? What do we do if we can’t … ? I dunno. You have to break it down and take it one bite at a time. Let’s get a letter together. Offer. Sincerity. We will find a place to live at a price we can live with; this is our life and this is how we move forward.

It feels like a Monday because of the day from home; it feels refreshing and brisk to bike to work like a madman. Life is good, life goes on. We jump on what we can get now and worry about the settlement later, right? Not so laissez-faire fast, of course. Right now I can’t sleep, but I can’t stay awake either: theVet has run the numbers over and over and says we can’t do it, or that we have to do it, or that we don’t know what we’re doing, and the answer is D, all of the above. No one knows, right? Some of us are just better at hiding that fact. Drive on, driver. The terror you feel inside (this is all our money in the world!) is shared by everyone else who’s ever done this (which is to say tons of people in this country) and it’s not going to get easier — or cheaper — if we wait.



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