Responsibilities End

Dear J-

It’s Thursday, and every Thursday this week has been accompanied so far with a giant UGGHH. Ready to get up? Ready to go to work? Ready to ride your bike? Ready to board the train? Ready? Ready? To be honest I’m a little surprised by how many people are riding this morning, as though it was free money day or something similar, but that’s what it has been so far: come do this work and you’ll get paid. So far so good. Incorporate writeups and charts, redo graphics, come see what’s new.

The early morning train (first train southbound, # 102; today running Bombardier cars in a pull configuration using engine # 916 “California”) seems to be full of folks working for Recology, which is our local trash hauling service; I see them on the streets picking up what seems like twice a week, maybe every day; it’s one of those low-level things you don’t think about until it doesn’t work. I need to remember that and not take it so seriously when more sophisticated things (internet, ATSC TV, etc) don’t. What I really need to do is stop trying to fix blame for everything on the people around me: it’s not fair and it’s not right. It seems like the more of a reaction I get the angrier I become, unless I don’t get a reaction, in which case I get angry too. Where does all this come from?

My parents are not unreasonable people but I hear echoes of me sometimes when my mom calls to say he went flying off the handle some times, not stopping until or raging against or shouting out words in traffic. It’s up to me to understand how I am and to take steps — appropriate steps — to control it. That I’ve seen it before doesn’t excuse it. Keep feeling fascination at the world and get more sleep: your responsibilities do not end when you step through the door at home.



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