Way Better

Dear J-

Well that certainly didn’t take too long. A little over a week and it feels like I have nothing to say, nothing of any real importance anyway. This week has been a bit of an adventure between riding home on Monday and the kids not going to sleep last night. The boy is growing out of his nap, which does not bode well; we’re pretty well convinced he needs one to stay sane at night, but at the same time he doesn’t go down gracefully, popping up like a demon and running around the house, er, apartment. I’m glad the whole family has moved with me but I’m also worried what it’s doing to them, between shifting schedules and not being able to afford day care.

Work proceeds nicely, although suspiciously I seem to have gotten assignments I can’t keep straight in my head. I think of the examples I’ve seen — keep a diary, write down your thoughts at the end of the day (or throughout the day) and just be happy with what you have. The philosophy has to change from what I was doing as a utility guy. Where before it was helpful to explain everything this is a quick and dirty deal in comparison, look up the formula and crank out a calculation. Easy deal. I can live with it. It’s also funny in my mind how much you see the same names, over and over; if that’s a kind of notoriety then I suppose I could live with that.

Really, lately it seems like all I’ve wanted to do is read my books and articles. Perhaps it’s a reaction to how we’re living (with lots of people) or where (with lots of people) in the area (with lots of people) that we’ve ended up (with lots of people). I used to believe that I’d end up retired living in San Francisco Chinatown for some reason, but these were the dreams I had while contemplating a quiet life in the desert, diesel pickup and dog in the bed, dust trails a mile long on the way home. I don’t know what’s coming next, whether the house will sell, whether we’ll get out of the apartment, whether the kids will settle down, what the future holds. I used to be convinced that’s what I needed to know most, but come to think of it I like this way better.




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