Drive Out

Dear J-

This is only my third day in Canada. Another week to go, more or less, and the hard work has hardly begun. SO MUCH TO LOOK FORWARD TO AMIRITE? I pushed a broom around and picked up little pieces here and there but progress has been slow, life has been slow, and it feels like the day crawls even as it jumps: before I knew it, it was time to head home, but it was also well overdue.

At the same time I want to say that I’m ready to give up, head home, say everything’s well in hand and what the heck am I doing here while my kids ignore me and forget who I am, I know it’s not precisely true. I believe in this. I believe in the work we do, in the people we’ve chosen. I believe our analyses. I believe we have a compelling story to tell, so why haven’t I been able to get that across?

It’s about attitude. Am I letting things happen to me? Am I willingly choosing the victim role, the idea we just can’t convince an antagonistic reviewer? If I choose to give up, that gives them the right to decide what happens, and I forfeit my influence. Win by default. De-fault. I can do this. Armed with keyboard and textbooks, I can change the world. I just don’t have to do it alone.



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