Take Away

Dear J-

Has everythng been prepared? Am I forgetting something? Paranoia does not take a vacation, and I always seem to forget one thing or another by the time I’m ready to start time off. For instance, yesterday I rode the whole way to work in relative peace until we got close to the plant and I realized that I’d forgotten my site badge, meaning half an hour of delay by going up and getting a temporary badge (and that’s when the office is open; if it wasn’t I’d be looking at the wrong end of two hours back and forth to home to retrieve it).

When I started the outage shifts I was on time and never missed a beat; after four months of odd hours and long hours I’m missing a certain attention to detail, let’s say. There’s a thousand instances where I could have done better or something more and I suspect that we’re having a two-hour meeting in the middle of the day as punishment (I suspect for my own sins) and recalibration. Either you’re amused by the leadership craft and set a good example or you’re cynical and bitter about it, guarding everything jealously and fiercely.

A couple of my cousins went to this wedding alone: no spouse, no kid(s). I understand that rationally: the kids are too young to travel on such a long flight (though Calcifer did much better than we expected, except when he was tired and refused to nap, but that’s just me probably tooting my horn: paranoia takes no breaks) and the wedding is a long thing to sit through, coupled with the ceremony, but I think I still had way more fun — with kids and taking fewer pictures — than without them would have been. And besides, I would have missed them like crazy the whole time we were gone. Maybe that’s what I can’t prepare for knowing I’m heading into the last six, er, five weeks at home. When did I become important enough to be busy? Yeah, like my ego needs fluffing.



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