Dear J-

As much time as I do end up spending with the kids you’d think that I wouldn’t, but I do sometimes. After they’re all asleep and theVet and I are working away sharing bandwidth over the Internet, I’ll go to bed and remind myself to take figgy to the bathroom and I’ll get a brief flash of oddness — man is this weird, when did we get this little kid? — before reminding myself that it has been nearly four and a half years, after all. I suppose it’s a consequence of shifting gears so rapidly: one minute I’m wallowing in nostalgia and pictures of protests, the next I’m hauling a sleepy kid out of bed and plonking her on the toilet.

Life as Dad has been exhausting and rewarding; I wonder occasionally what I used to do in the evenings before and realize ujust how much television we must have watched. If you add up the total amount of hours I spend actually interacting with them it’s really not too much, Calcifer may an hour more but certainly not more than three hours a day, typically. I am a tiny fraction of their lives so I try to cram as much as I can into that period but it’s a losing battle, as I still need down time from the rest of the world — work, family, friends — to process what the world has been doing. It has been three months since I switched to a six-a-week schedule and I’m completely exhausted by it and tired of it too.

Last night when that foreign feeling hit me. I had to reevaluate my priorities: my small empire on the web isn’t growing much at all, work is failing to inspire me to do better, and I’m starting to take things at home for granted: here’s my input, exhausted and asleep by the time we get through a couple of books together, figgy and I. There’s a lot inside that could burst out at any moment, but right now there’s too many directions to explore; something’s gotta give besides sleep and family. What’s reasonable? How do you verify the priorities you’ve set are being followed?



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