Navel View

Dear J-

One of our co-workers left yesterday. In the past few weeks as our extra effort winds down we’ve been letting folks go left and right it seems — one retirement, four people finding jobs elsewhere, and now two contractors reaching the end of their terms and taking off. It definitely feels like we’re hitting a cycle of unrest again. When I first started in the group four years ago I wouldn’t have imagined that I’d be one of the most senior people by now, that we’d be host to a revolving door of people and knowledge. The longer I go on, though, the more I think that I’m ready to go.

It’s time because I’m not learning to do new things here. As much work as there is, and as many new topics are identified they all end up having the same course of resolution. Sure, there’s the thrill of being able to unravel the clues — we figured out what brands and models are from blurry photographs in ways that would make archaeologists and crime scene investigators alike envious — but it all comes down to having enough experience and confidence to declare things definitiively so. The nerve is sometimes more important than having all the answers, and it feels like I bluff my way through the day at times.

I’ve become far more reactive in the month that I’ve been back, choosing to respond in response to issues rather than identifying them on my own and trying to resolve them. Breaks become a matter of asking for five more minutes in a way that’s reminiscent of figgy asking for a few more bits of freedom and TV before bedtime. I’m not sure if it’s just a change of scenery that would help now, though. The longer the malaise lasts the more I suspect it has to do with my fundamental temperament, and that’s the frightening part.


P.S. As a follow-up to yesterday’s topic apparently Limbaugh isn’t going to apologize because he didn’t think that making ching-chong noises was offensive, unless of course those did translate into something offensive. This is an interesting exercise in relative morality and is tantamount to letting criminals define the law. Oh, you have a problem with my actions? Sorry, I don’t, so get over it. Of course, you would expect nothing less from some talking head smirking bully whose ever move is a calculated move to boost perceptions or ratings. I don’t listen to him, so it doesn’t particularly bother me, but I think ti’s indicative of a failure to seek self-improvement and accepting criticism that tells me more about him than he could ever broadcast.


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